celexa withdrawls.....day 187

Stocked up on the vitamins and supplements listed on another blog, seems to be helping somewhat. B6,B12, fish oil, E and C. Fish oil seems to bethe one everyone says is the most important.

Still getting the brain zaps and dizzy spells, especially while driving, if I scrunch up my eyes or move to quickly. Mood swings finally may be leveling out. A crying spell last night, but not to bad. Got called over-sensative, I'll take that over raving bitch or breaking into sobs!

Dreams have been wild; loud, bright and very, very jarring. Still getting the cold/hot thing and sweats. All in all, better - yes, but still quite a waysto go to normal.

The diet is iffy, was down about 2.5 pounds but broke down and got a candy bar and a greek yogurt this weekend. NEED to drop at least 20 pounds, 50 is what I really want, 10 seems impossible.

Celexa withdrawls, part 2

So, as I said, now for the fun part, my unintential celexa withdrawl. I'm not really sure what day I finally ran out, I didn't think to much about it, I figured I would eventually go do what I needed to get a new prescription, then BAM!

Suddenly my head is buzzing, what I now know are called "brain zaps" by those going through it. I'm getting dizzy spells, but I realized I was going through actual withdrawls when I got so angry I couldn't get my cable working I almost hurled the remote through a window. I'm trying to hook up an adapter for my older tv to convert to high def. I called my brother to get some info and started crying when he didn't respond fast enough. I swore at my mother over the phone for the same reason, before I started crying some more. Today every conversation sends me to tears, and any opposition or even sympothy pisses me off. My mom offered to buy me a new tv, and all I want is to scream at her to just leave me the fuck alone.

Yesterday and today have been so horrible I've almost gone to the ER a couple times. My neck and shoulders hurt, my skin feels like it's itching off my body, I'm still going between crying and wanting to just fucking destroy things. I DON"T want to talk to anyone about it, but I also don't want to be alone.

I've been researching on line today and some have suggested fish oil and other suppliments to help with the symptoms, going to the drugstore now. Hoping they help.

Celexa withdrawls, and trying to blog my way though it.

Let my blog and a lot of other things drift in the past year or two. Now trying to withdraw from antidepressants and feeling like my life has completely fallen to shit. 10+ years on SSRI's and didn't realize just how bad things had gotten. Started taking them originally because I was moody, unpredictable and veering towards pretty nasty angry outbursts and taking things out on the people around me, mainly my daughter. She already had enough issues with an absent father, she didn't need an angry, moody mom on top of it. She deserved much better. It did help, I became a great mom. Loving, understanding and calm. Now trying to deal with the aftermath of it all. At first it was great, our lives improved dramatically, but somewhere along the line it started to change. I've lost all motivation, I still have dreams and ambitions, but no longer have the engery or motivation to even try to reach them. I start projects, businesses, jobs, and just lose interest in them. I'm surving, and just barely at that.

My apartment is looking like an episode of hoarders. I was never a neat freak, but now I don't know where to start clearing things out. I've begged my daughter to help, but that always seems to not come about. I've affered to leave so she can do what ever she wants as well as pay her, but it just never seems to happen.

My weight has hit an all time high, 191.5 pounds. Every diet I start I can't seem to stick with. Have no energy or motivation to exercise. Planning to start on Atkins, but not sure this is the right time.

Because I can't hold a consistant job my health insurance is sporadic. Started a job last fall I really enjoyed. Put in as many hours as possible including OT most weekends. Was sick of driving crappy cars, so my main goal was to get a new car. Worked like a dog, saved as much as possible for the biggest down payment I could manage. Got my dream car in November, right before Thanksgiving. A 2005 Mini Cooper convertible, red. My car still makes me smile every time I walk out the door. Got laid off (temp) right before Christmas and had immediate problems with my unemployment. They had no record of my wages, so no checks. My insurance started on Jan. 1, but no way to pay the premiums. Finally got that straightened out, just before I ran out of money for my car payments. Got a lovely letter from my employer stating my job had been eliminated on March 9, so now no job at all. Got the original unemployment issues fixed just in time to have used up all my benefits. I currently have just enough money in savings for 4 more car payments. That's how I'm measuring things right now, how many months of car do I have left including gas and insurance.

In the process of everything, my prescription for my antidepressants ran out. Can't get a refill with going to the Dr. That will cost me a month of car. My last refill was 1/25, knew it was going to be close so had been cutting then in half and then quarters to make them last longer. Didn't expect my current Dr. to retire before I ran out completely. Now I've unintentionally gone into withdrawls, and the real fun is just beginning.

Repurposing Old Books

I've got some really cool old hardcover books I'm looking for some new uses for. Here's some of my favorites so far. These links are mainly for myself, so I don't end up with another 72 bookmarked pages I can't remember what I needed them for.

http://wishingforhorses.com/2010/03/06/sunday-projects-repurposed-book-day-planner/

http://pinterest.com/thinkorange/repurposed-upcycled-etc/

http://myesty.com/storque/shop/guest-curator-repurposed-book-art-with-sweet-paul-11168/

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Book-Purse

http://www.twopeasinabucket.com/cg_display.asp?seed_id=24879

http://www.maryjanesandgaloshes.com/2010/08/repurposed-hardcover-book-to-notebook.html

http://handmadelibrary.com/repurposed-book-artist/

http://www.locchipinti.com/Site/Bookwork.html

Back to the grind.........

Once again I let this go way to long. I've been rethinking my life and trying to make some changes. I am going back to my roots and going back to furniture. I still adore junk, and don't plan on giving it up, but am going to focus on furniture instead. I'm trying to collect interesting pieces, and redo them for resale. I am going to be able to put some pieces in Finders Creepers, a local store, and take it from there.

Have replaced most of my tools, next step is getting the money to buy the fabric and supplies I need for the furniture. Wish me luck!

I DO have actual mad skills!

They may be rusty, but it seems I might have some useful marketable skills after all. Several years ago I took a two year upholstery program at my local community college. Practiced my trade for a while, but let it go because I didn't have a place to work from anymore. The air compressor was to loud to use at the small motel I was running and living at. Over the years my tools/tool boxes and equipment got taken over by my dad and my brother. Everything else, including me, got dull and rusty.

A friend wanted to redo an antique, upholstered head/foot board she got in Belgium about 20 years ago. I started it Monday, and gradually y rusty skills have started coming back. Found the staple gun, put Gilbreaths back in the cell phone and should finish it up in a couple more days. Wendy is doing the sewing of the fabric, I'm doing the rest. My part is done, lol.

Have realized this week that I do enjoy working with furniture, and there's no reason I can't make a living doing this again. Since I'm out of practice I'm trying to get an unpaid apprenticeship. Crossing my fingers, feeling much better about myself again.

water, water, everywhere.........

and I've had enough! Ames is cut in half by flooding and has no drinkable water. The dehumidifier is pulling 100 pints of water out of the air in the hallway every day. It smells like worms and I've lost track of the munber of things of mine that have been ruined. Books, paper stuff, furniture. Afraid to see how many pictures are ruined. Depressing all the way around!

Wanted: Shrugs, 1 Black, 1 Brown

Its summer, its hot and I like to wear sleaveless dresses. I also have tattoos. Sometimes I need to throw on something to cover said tattoos so as to not offend my mother, my daughters current boyfriends parents, random people at Walmart or potential buyers. I need something light enough to be comfortable, cute enough to want to wear, yet heavy enough to keep my lovely art covered as needed. My tattoos end just above the elbow, so elbow length or 3/4 sleeves would be perfect.

Thanks!

5 days $500

or not. So far I'm at $110. $50 for my weekly maid service for my mom and $60 for cat sitting from Wendy. A boatload of almost sales, to bad they don't matter til I get cash in hand. Back listing on ebay, oh joy. Still no sales but lots of useless hits! So, as of tomorrow I'll be down $490. At least I have my $50 maid money to look forward to. Applying for a State Fair job, I'm officially pathetic :)

My challenge, make $100 a day for 30 days.

I need to jumpstart everything, the daughter is going to be expensive again, I'ld like to replace the red bomb I'm currently not driving and, most importantly, I'ld like to put away at least $10k so I can talk to my parents about buying their old house. I need the money on hand to start making the house livable again.

So, that's my goal, make $100 a day for the next 30 days!I know I won't make it every day, but perhaps I can come close after I average it out. Odd jobs and bargain sales, here I come, lol. The hardest part will be no more thrift store shopping!

Oh yes, my other immediate goals, get a couple new pairs of glasses and replace my digital camera. Need to remember to get a eye appointment next week. Clearing out the extra room and hallway for the glasses, getting rooms ready for Papa.

For Barter, Trade or Sale

Have just enered the world of Craigs List Bartering, lol. My sewing machine has gotten more interest now than the enire 4 months previous that its been for sale. So, starting wth my Consew 18 industrial sewing machine. Needs to be refurbished but has motor, table and machine. Offered a table saw, countered with radial arm saw. We'll see where it goes from here!

lazy summer days......

Like to many other things, I let this blog lapse this summer. Its been wet, hot and lazy. Had a yard sale last weekend, now remember why I don't have yard sales! Jordan made about $15, I made about $35. Sigh, at least I got rid of some stuff. CraigsListing and Ebaying the rest. It needs to go!

Cat sitting the boys, back home to the Lillydog today. Start working on some rooms tomorrow. Need to get Jay moved and at least 4 rooms rented so the place is breaking even. I wonder if we could strip them down and rent them out as artist spaces, but I'm just the peon. Of course when I was running the property it made money!

getting garage sale ready!

My first yard/garage sale in many years, forgot how much work it is! Have most of my stuff sorted, $100 in change, tables ready to set up, still pricing and crossing my fingers. Still need to make my signs and crossing fingers it doesn't rain. Friday is kind of the trial run, with the big day, I hope, on Saturday. We're in the country, but there's a big anual event across the street that brings in huge crowds, hoping for spillover and the curious. My body hurts, I need to be up by 6:30 and still need to get packages ready to mail tomorrow but it feels so good to have sorted stuff out and getting rid of stuff that should have gone 10 years ago! With luck by Sunday the commercial sewing machine, boxes of books, clothes and furniture that's been in storage forever will be gone and I'll have some extra spending money and room to breathe again, lol.

Adventures in piercing

I've talked before about the reactions I get from other inked people, last night was another pretty funny one. I got 2 new piercings. Went to Pink Elephant, walk in and get the "are you lost look?" The minute I take off my sweater the atmosphere changes, lol. People are chatty, stopping to look at the arm, filling me in on Chipp and so on. It feels good to be part of a group sometimes, even if that group looks like serial killers and excons. Oh yes, the piercings hurt, a lot. Shoving huge needles through your boobs hurts as much as you think it would!

Johnny's Spamorama!

Can't believe I let a month go by since writing! Life goes on but still have no good excuse, lol. Lets see, what's happened in the last month......

Daughter turns 22 next weekend, she had a quarter century freakout. "I'm almost 22 and haven't done anything with my life......." In the last year alone she has gone to Jamaica for her 21st birthday, gone to Texas on spring break with a huge group of girls. Been the witness in a lesbian wedding and the bridesmaid in her roomate's huge pink wedding. Been to -and survived- 2 bachelorette bashes. Knocked off another year of college, applied to transfer to Portland State, possibly found a very cool place to live in Portland without even going there and already networking Portland for a job. That's just in the last year!

In the last month my life is still pretty dull. The BP oil spill is destroying the Gulf Coast and probably any plans I might have had to move to Louisianna. The number of umemployed is already starting to sky rocket. I'ld go help with the cleanup but there's not much I could do. Sandy has vanished from facebook, so no idea whats going on with Seattle. Assuming they are getting moved into the new house and she'll be back on soon. In the meantime I'm in limbo there. Jay still has my car so I'm still pretty much housebound.

I did go to Minnesota to pick up Jordan. She spent the weekend at her boyfriends parents house before he goes to Germany for the summer. Met in Austin for lunch and went to the spam museum. That's always entertaining. Plus we needed new bumper stickers. Hoping to open up the wall between my room and the empty room next to me. First I have to get control of the mess I'm currently living in. I really need to start doing some big time ebaying.

Parting (with stuff!) is such sweet sorrow.......

Trying very hard to destash, but I keep finding more and more cool stuff in every file or box I open. Awesome vintage paper I know I won't use, but its to cool to get rid of, lol. WWII ration books and war memorabilia; 1970 vacation ticket stubs and mementos; a box of vintage postcards and photos. Haven't even started on the fabrics yet! Letting go of stuff is bad enough, trying to price is even worse. Where to start.....

End of a pretty good week :)

So, 3 ebay sales, 2 ecrater, 2 fiverr and one very big craigslist sale. Nice to have some money on hand again, even if it won't last long! Funny little Jordan won't take money from me, but doesn't think twice about calling her nana. Computer is fried, so nana ordered her a new one. Of course nana doesn't help much, Jordan called today to ask for $50, so nana sent her $100. Because its VEISHA, and she NEEDS to have some fun! Spring break was at South Padre last month, next month is her birthday, there goes another big hunk of cash! Sold my vintage pepsi machine for $450gave my brother $50 for all the stuff he does for her, kept $$100 for shipping fees and to get some new shoes tomorrow, gave the other $300 to nana for Jordan upkeep. Love that daughter of mine dearly, even though she is an expensive little thing!

Need to keep having weeks like this if I'm ever going to have enough cash to keep baby girl in school and still be able to go to Seattle for the summer. Lets see, the car can go, although the nephew has pretty well taken that over, sewing machine needs to go, and still have furniture to sort through. On top of all that I'm trying to save the money I need to maybe buy a yurt, lol. Ugh.....I need a real job, sadly the job market for tattood loons is pretty slim in Iowa!

So tired my fingers even hurt......

But it was a very good day. Got to spend some time with my darling daughter Jordan, by that I went along while she ran some errands, lol, but it was great to see her again. Had planned to go out for ice cream , but Uncle Garry started messing with her car and that led to getting more car parts. Every girl should have an uncle to take care of her and spoil her rotten!

A couple more ebay sales, not my favorite venue, but still consistent sales so I'm still there. Sold a pattern from the ecrater store, that IS my favorite venue, but takes a lot of work to get the word out on. Best of all, got an offer for the Pepsi machine! Still have the sewing machine, vintage couch and red car to go, but makes for a very nice week. More stuff sorted, pics taken and uploaded to facebook. Still need to research, price and add to the store. So much stuff I don't have a clue how to price!

3 am and can't sleep

I hate this, 3 am and still can't fall asleep. Loads to do tomorrow that probably won't get done now. Went to the Civic Center to see the San Jose Taiko Drummers with my mom. It was fun, drums are so very, very primal! Realized that I like my drums a little more booming, the kind you can feel. Taiko drumming is a bit to civilized for me. Mom was enthralled though and since I was her guest I certainly can't complain, lol.

Now that spring is here and people are wearing lighter weight clothes I'm noticing a lot more ink than I used to. Its amusing, in my black pants, black heels, blues and greens tunic and well cut hair I don't look like I'm part of that community. My mom really hates a lot of ink so I make a point of wearing sleeves around her. I kept finding myself wanting to push my sleeves up and sneering back at some of the twits that were there. Kind of a mines bigger, so there!reaction. Childish, especially when I get just as snippy when people gawk at me or try and touch my arm. Ah well, growing up is over-rated, no?

Creeple People

Been sorting out some more of my random bits, found a few more dolls I've made. These are some I made out of giant sized puzzle pieces. They are still fun, time to put them back up I think.