celexa withdrawls.....day 187

Stocked up on the vitamins and supplements listed on another blog, seems to be helping somewhat. B6,B12, fish oil, E and C. Fish oil seems to bethe one everyone says is the most important.

Still getting the brain zaps and dizzy spells, especially while driving, if I scrunch up my eyes or move to quickly. Mood swings finally may be leveling out. A crying spell last night, but not to bad. Got called over-sensative, I'll take that over raving bitch or breaking into sobs!

Dreams have been wild; loud, bright and very, very jarring. Still getting the cold/hot thing and sweats. All in all, better - yes, but still quite a waysto go to normal.

The diet is iffy, was down about 2.5 pounds but broke down and got a candy bar and a greek yogurt this weekend. NEED to drop at least 20 pounds, 50 is what I really want, 10 seems impossible.

Celexa withdrawls, part 2

So, as I said, now for the fun part, my unintential celexa withdrawl. I'm not really sure what day I finally ran out, I didn't think to much about it, I figured I would eventually go do what I needed to get a new prescription, then BAM!

Suddenly my head is buzzing, what I now know are called "brain zaps" by those going through it. I'm getting dizzy spells, but I realized I was going through actual withdrawls when I got so angry I couldn't get my cable working I almost hurled the remote through a window. I'm trying to hook up an adapter for my older tv to convert to high def. I called my brother to get some info and started crying when he didn't respond fast enough. I swore at my mother over the phone for the same reason, before I started crying some more. Today every conversation sends me to tears, and any opposition or even sympothy pisses me off. My mom offered to buy me a new tv, and all I want is to scream at her to just leave me the fuck alone.

Yesterday and today have been so horrible I've almost gone to the ER a couple times. My neck and shoulders hurt, my skin feels like it's itching off my body, I'm still going between crying and wanting to just fucking destroy things. I DON"T want to talk to anyone about it, but I also don't want to be alone.

I've been researching on line today and some have suggested fish oil and other suppliments to help with the symptoms, going to the drugstore now. Hoping they help.

Celexa withdrawls, and trying to blog my way though it.

Let my blog and a lot of other things drift in the past year or two. Now trying to withdraw from antidepressants and feeling like my life has completely fallen to shit. 10+ years on SSRI's and didn't realize just how bad things had gotten. Started taking them originally because I was moody, unpredictable and veering towards pretty nasty angry outbursts and taking things out on the people around me, mainly my daughter. She already had enough issues with an absent father, she didn't need an angry, moody mom on top of it. She deserved much better. It did help, I became a great mom. Loving, understanding and calm. Now trying to deal with the aftermath of it all. At first it was great, our lives improved dramatically, but somewhere along the line it started to change. I've lost all motivation, I still have dreams and ambitions, but no longer have the engery or motivation to even try to reach them. I start projects, businesses, jobs, and just lose interest in them. I'm surving, and just barely at that.

My apartment is looking like an episode of hoarders. I was never a neat freak, but now I don't know where to start clearing things out. I've begged my daughter to help, but that always seems to not come about. I've affered to leave so she can do what ever she wants as well as pay her, but it just never seems to happen.

My weight has hit an all time high, 191.5 pounds. Every diet I start I can't seem to stick with. Have no energy or motivation to exercise. Planning to start on Atkins, but not sure this is the right time.

Because I can't hold a consistant job my health insurance is sporadic. Started a job last fall I really enjoyed. Put in as many hours as possible including OT most weekends. Was sick of driving crappy cars, so my main goal was to get a new car. Worked like a dog, saved as much as possible for the biggest down payment I could manage. Got my dream car in November, right before Thanksgiving. A 2005 Mini Cooper convertible, red. My car still makes me smile every time I walk out the door. Got laid off (temp) right before Christmas and had immediate problems with my unemployment. They had no record of my wages, so no checks. My insurance started on Jan. 1, but no way to pay the premiums. Finally got that straightened out, just before I ran out of money for my car payments. Got a lovely letter from my employer stating my job had been eliminated on March 9, so now no job at all. Got the original unemployment issues fixed just in time to have used up all my benefits. I currently have just enough money in savings for 4 more car payments. That's how I'm measuring things right now, how many months of car do I have left including gas and insurance.

In the process of everything, my prescription for my antidepressants ran out. Can't get a refill with going to the Dr. That will cost me a month of car. My last refill was 1/25, knew it was going to be close so had been cutting then in half and then quarters to make them last longer. Didn't expect my current Dr. to retire before I ran out completely. Now I've unintentionally gone into withdrawls, and the real fun is just beginning.

Repurposing Old Books

I've got some really cool old hardcover books I'm looking for some new uses for. Here's some of my favorites so far. These links are mainly for myself, so I don't end up with another 72 bookmarked pages I can't remember what I needed them for.

http://wishingforhorses.com/2010/03/06/sunday-projects-repurposed-book-day-planner/

http://pinterest.com/thinkorange/repurposed-upcycled-etc/

http://myesty.com/storque/shop/guest-curator-repurposed-book-art-with-sweet-paul-11168/

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Book-Purse

http://www.twopeasinabucket.com/cg_display.asp?seed_id=24879

http://www.maryjanesandgaloshes.com/2010/08/repurposed-hardcover-book-to-notebook.html

http://handmadelibrary.com/repurposed-book-artist/

http://www.locchipinti.com/Site/Bookwork.html

Back to the grind.........

Once again I let this go way to long. I've been rethinking my life and trying to make some changes. I am going back to my roots and going back to furniture. I still adore junk, and don't plan on giving it up, but am going to focus on furniture instead. I'm trying to collect interesting pieces, and redo them for resale. I am going to be able to put some pieces in Finders Creepers, a local store, and take it from there.

Have replaced most of my tools, next step is getting the money to buy the fabric and supplies I need for the furniture. Wish me luck!

I DO have actual mad skills!

They may be rusty, but it seems I might have some useful marketable skills after all. Several years ago I took a two year upholstery program at my local community college. Practiced my trade for a while, but let it go because I didn't have a place to work from anymore. The air compressor was to loud to use at the small motel I was running and living at. Over the years my tools/tool boxes and equipment got taken over by my dad and my brother. Everything else, including me, got dull and rusty.

A friend wanted to redo an antique, upholstered head/foot board she got in Belgium about 20 years ago. I started it Monday, and gradually y rusty skills have started coming back. Found the staple gun, put Gilbreaths back in the cell phone and should finish it up in a couple more days. Wendy is doing the sewing of the fabric, I'm doing the rest. My part is done, lol.

Have realized this week that I do enjoy working with furniture, and there's no reason I can't make a living doing this again. Since I'm out of practice I'm trying to get an unpaid apprenticeship. Crossing my fingers, feeling much better about myself again.

water, water, everywhere.........

and I've had enough! Ames is cut in half by flooding and has no drinkable water. The dehumidifier is pulling 100 pints of water out of the air in the hallway every day. It smells like worms and I've lost track of the munber of things of mine that have been ruined. Books, paper stuff, furniture. Afraid to see how many pictures are ruined. Depressing all the way around!